Not All Providers Are the Same: Why One Size Doesn’t Fit All in Birth Care

There’s a phrase I hear often in birth spaces: "My doctor is fine." "I guess they’re all the same anyway." "My midwife is super nice — I’m sure she’ll be supportive.”

And while there’s nothing wrong with hoping for the best, there’s something missing from this conversation — discernment.

Because here’s the truth that not enough people say out loud: Not all OBs are the same. Not all midwives are the same. And shining them all under the same soft, uniform light can actually be a red flag for your birth experience.

Providers Are People — and People Practice Differently

We often imagine medical care as something standardized — as if every OB or midwife follows the same textbook, uses the same judgment, or supports birth in the same way. But that’s far from the truth.

Some providers deeply trust birth. Others are trained in a model that treats birth like a problem to be managed.

Some providers honor consent, hold space for your choices, and respect your autonomy. Others may rush decisions, speak in absolutes, or push interventions that don’t align with your preferences — sometimes without even fully informing you.

Some will walk into your birth room like a guest, asking, “How can I support you?" Others might walk in like they own it — making decisions before you've even spoken.

And some? You’ll share how you like to birth — maybe you want to move freely, push in a certain position or intensity, avoid unnecessary vaginal exams, or delay cord clamping — and they’ll say, “Well, I’m going to make you do it this way instead." Not because you or your baby are in danger. But because they don’t trust your body. Because it’s not their routine. Because they believe they know better than you.

And here’s the hardest part: you don’t always know which one you have until you’re in labor. Unless you’ve asked the hard questions. Unless you’ve looked deeper than bedside manner. Unless you’ve listened to your intuition.

Midwives Aren’t Always the Gentle Option

There’s a common belief that if you want a more natural or patient-centered birth, you just need to find a midwife. And while midwifery care can be beautifully holistic and supportive, the label alone doesn’t guarantee a provider who will respect your wishes.

There are midwives who work within highly medicalized systems. There are midwives who are overworked, unsupported, and bound by restrictive hospital policies. There are midwives who still use fear as a tool to control the birth space.

Just like with OBs, you may find incredible midwives who trust the process of birth and deeply believe in your autonomy — and others who treat birth just like a shift that needs to stay on schedule.

Choosing a midwife over an OB is not enough. Choosing a provider who aligns with your values is everything.

Overgeneralizing = Undervaluing Your Power

When we say things like “OBs are all the same,” or “midwives are the better option,” we flatten an incredibly complex system — and we risk silencing our own red flags.

Overgeneralizing can lead to:

• Settling for providers who make you uncomfortable

• Missing early signs of coercion or disrespect

• Feeling unprepared when your wishes are dismissed

• Losing confidence in your ability to ask for what you need

It teaches us to ignore the data our bodies give us — the hesitation, the tightness in our gut, the sense that something just isn’t quite right.

You don’t need to wait for a provider to earn your trust in the delivery room. You can start listening now. You can ask bold questions. You can change your mind.

What You Can Do Instead

So how do you actually know if a provider aligns with your birth values? It starts with asking. And not just, “Are you supportive?” but real, detailed questions like:

• How do you feel about unmedicated birth?

• How often do you recommend induction and why?

• Can I push in any position I choose?

• How do you typically handle a long early labor?

• What is your cesarean rate, and what are common reasons for it?

• What happens if I decline something you recommend?

If they get defensive, vague, or say “we’ll cross that bridge when we get there” — that’s information.

You are not just a patient. You are the center of this experience. You are allowed to ask. You are allowed to choose. You are allowed to change providers at any point in your pregnancy — even late in the game — if you no longer feel safe or respected.

A Loving Reminder

Your birth story matters. And the people who support you through it shape how you carry that story into parenthood.

Choosing your provider isn’t about making the “safe” or “nice” choice. It’s about making the informed choice. The empowered choice. The one that reflects the kind of birth you want — and the kind of care you deserve.

So no, not all providers are the same. And that’s a good thing — because it means you get to choose the one who truly sees you.

Affirmation for Your Birth Journey:

I trust myself to choose what is right for me. I listen to my body, my instincts, and my knowing. I deserve care that honors my voice, my vision, and my power. The path I choose will be rooted in love, courage, and clarity.